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☕ A little talk about sex, censorship and pornography.

So. Where do I start ?

Honestly, this one topic has been a major part of my thoughts and actual daily life (as an artist and a person too) since years now. As far as I can remember, I’ve always been someone attracted to sexuality, in many aspects. I started growing real interest in it at a quite young age, not quite obsessively, but not quite averagely either. I quickly realized this was something that was on my mind much more than people of my age, or at least, I was questioning myself about it and exploring it in obviously different ways. Also, and although I grew up in a family where sexuality wasn’t taboo, I recall feeling strangely out of place and weird towards my personal vision of it for most times, blame it on society and a blatant lack of confidence back then, I guess. However, I have been, for most, surrounded by the best, open minded persons from about middle school, it’s never been too complicated nor strange to bring all the usually taboo topics with them then. Homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, Transgenderism and more; I’ve been reflecting on every of them from the day I felt sexually attracted to someone, probably because I quickly have been attracted to girls too. My first kisses were with girls, my first lover was a boy. I would generally be seen as a lesbian in high school, I know my family thought that, too. The thing is, to this day, they still don't quite know who I am.

I can say I’ve had a rather large spectrum of sexual behaviours in my bedroom , I went from the most heterosexual men to the bi-curious ones, had a 4 years long platonic relationship, had bisexual guys together, another rather long relationship with a transitioning transgender (involving sex too), and all in all, people are used to seeing me with men. I must say I have been questioning for years. It's funny how it seems so easy to define your sexuality, most people don't ponder on what they want and feel (at least not in a too serious way), and it's most probably much easier. Teenage years being complex already, believe me, being an outcast in more than one field isn't needed, and pride certainly doesn't come naturally, no matter how you feel towards it in the first place.

I always had an unchangeable interest in relationships that weren't the actual heterosexual, binary model, most probably because the socially respectable and conventional way society depicts the perfect love life drives me mad crazy, so, from the moment I started creating my own comics, it seemed logical not to depict an heterosexual couple in them. From Middle School, I created so many gay couples and was doing it so spontaneously it resulted in some pretty awkward situations when other teens would see my drawings. Anyway, you add to that my definite, slightly obsessional passion for the male body which only grew stronger through the years and you have what I draw on a daily basis today.

Feminine qualities on males have always been something I liked, too. I started admiring girly boys really early on, which only led to more questioning regarding my own sexuality as a teen (only to come to realize once adult that it’s a totally different matter). What I thought was some sort of a deviance, or at least wasn’t “normal” (I was obsessed with being normal back then, or at least look so, as any attention on me was causing the greatest anxiousness), came to become my biggest inspiration in life and eventually made me feel comfortable with myself and this world, somehow. I struggled with the fact I was identifying myself as straight (I was rejecting the fact I could be bisexual harshly at one point) and yet felt affiliated with the LGBT community more than anything else I’ve ever felt close to as well for years. This is what I felt was right, and the fact I kept facing siblings who always said it wasn’t, that I was wrong and was ‘different’ anyway only helped me building the person I am today. I am confident in what I believe in and what I am, I’m actually quite a confident person today. And I sincerely don’t accept that people see what is most normal to me as an abomination. But this, I know, is yet another problem.

 

Coming back to the main topic, which is actually sex alone. It is, still to this day, the one topic that keeps on inspiring me. To be totally honest, I used to think, when I was a young teen drawing unrealistic Yaoi stories, that my interest for sex would gradually go down from the moment I would have an actual sex life of my own, that I would in fact know what I was talking about for ‘real’ and the likes. It’s what people generally tend to think anyway, most Yaoi fangirls and fanfic writers/readers are stigmatized as ‘hysterical virgins’ who supposedly know nothing about the subjects they’re treating.

First off, let me mention how much I hate the fact that society always pressured women about their virginity and will always do, and how the current generations keep on doing it to people who are socially awkward or different on the internet, too (this sentence doesn’t even begin to describe it but you know). I have a news for you. Just because you got fucked by your 15 year old boyfriend at your parent’s home or after a few shots of vodka at a random party doesn’t make you a sex expert, and mostly, it doesn’t give you the right to bring others down because it’s not their actual vision of life. Seriously though, I would never get why people who don’t have sex, not just young ones, are treated as such. How is it so hard to understand that they simply might not feel any need to do it ? Tell me how does it make you any less of a being to not have sex ? Anyway, I digress.

 

To be completely sincere again, I didn’t feel any different from the day I started having sex. And I was actually shocked to see that the way I had been picturing it was right all along. It happened that my depiction of it was astonishingly accurate, to the point I never felt like I was doing something I hadn’t done before. And in case you come telling me I probably didn’t have any high expectations, well believe me, I had. (Then, the fact I actually never had sex with someone my age when I was a teen might have helped.) So, yes, save for some obvious details and things you take in only when growing up, nothing changed, and it still hasn’t, while I’m nearly 26 now. I haven’t lost one bit of interest for sex and, also, pornography. This is something I grew interested into quite young as well, although there are of course endless discussable things that come with it. I know most women like to mention that when they like porn, they’re more into erotic things or the Porno Chic genre, but as far as I’m concerned, I really do like it as it is. Then, it’s like everything else, there is good and bad in it. What I personally draw is definitely not erotic and classifies as pornographic, which leads me to that one question I keep on asking myself, still now : can pornography catalog as art ?

DeviantART, the site where I upload my drawings since years now, forbids it. Sexually explicit content is authorized, and they have a 18+ content filter for it, but anything considered ‘obscene’ or pornographic is strictly prohibited. Yet, there are a few things that bug me.

If the fact Porn isn’t authorized isn’t a surprise, the fact censored content isn’t either weirds me out. People do upload them still (and I do as well), but anything depicting a clear intercourse, frontal nudity and body fluids, no matter how censored it is (pixelated, or even cropped), is forbidden. Linking off site is too. Basically, when you draw the things I draw, you’re screwed. (…Sorry for that unintended pun.)

You’d say, just put them up on a site that authorizes them !. Well, I would, but there are two choices : Tumblr, or Porn hosting sites. If the first one seems like a reasonable alternative, the second isn’t, you can’t deny it. Even if I do draw the most explicit scenes, they’re still pieces I spent hours on and put some effort in making a visually appealing image, so having it lost in the middle of gifs and screenshots from the cheapest Gonzo productions isn’t exactly what I’m looking for. And that’s the whole vicious cycle of working on something that qualifies as pornography.

Can’t you draw them less explicit ?’. I’ve heard that so many times, I even fought with my mother about it, and she actually told me “But do you have to draw these basically ?”; It’s the whole matter : I guess most artists would agree with me on that one, you don’t pick the subjects that get you inspired, nor do you plan what comes out on paper when it does. At least, I think it should always be this way. Of course, you have ideas, and you can tame them down if you’re not comfortable with them, but when you are, what can you do ? I’m not looking for excuses, I’m just trying to explain my point. When I draw porn, I’m not in a mood like “Ok, so now I’ll be drawing hard d*cks everywhere”. Honestly, I’m just in the exact same mood as I am when I draw cute Kpop fanarts or Macabre Demon art. I just feel inspired, and it comes out. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

While I don’t think my drawings are by any means disgusting, I do understand that not everybody wants to see them. Just because I'm super comfortable with this one topic doesn’t mean I have to shove it in everyone’s face because, oppositely to what lots seem to think, drawing such things doesn’t mean you’re not conscious of the fact it’s not widely appreciated. Because also, watching porn at night for 5 minutes once in a while and having pornographic drawings in front of your eyes during the day is another whole thing. I think static images tend to be more shocking as well, for you have the time to detail everything little by little. Also, staying in front of a static picture is a different thing too, and these pieces aren’t meant for your sexual relief in the first place for most also, it’s a really different world, which is why it’s always complex to explain to anyone outside of it.

I said it just before, my mother knows of what I’m doing. I’ve been living on my own for 5 years now and so, she doesn’t get to see what I work on for most of it (while she was always trying to when I was at home with her), and until recently, she never got to see anything graphic from me. If she’s perfectly fine with it now, to a point it still surprises me actually (basically she’s like “Come on, stop overprotecting me I’m your mother!”), we did argue over it before.

I really do understand that pornography can come off as negative, violent, and consequently rather scary for some, for straight porn generally is just that (I don’t know if it’s because I’m a girl myself, but I really tend to find heterosexual porn way more violent and demining than LGBT porn can get, at least when you compare professional productions.). It might be a biased opinion, but while I’ve been finding visually stunning and beautiful (not to mention loving and emotional) productions on the gay side numerous times, it happened really rarely on the straight one. Actually, I can only remember one studio that does so, and oh surprise, it’s a ‘female friendly’ one (another classification that annoys me, as it does nothing but suggest men are all for bestiality and roughness).

 

The reason that made me write this down for good for my blog is, mainly, that recent uploads of mine have caused actual discussion about that one topic to pop up, and I also got threatened to have my drawings reported. While I know that, even censored, they’re forbidden, I sincerely think that they’re doing no harm with a strict 18+ content filter on and huge cropped parts. I don’t crop just the problematic parts, I do crop them in a way that it makes it impossible to visualize anything going on. Doing that to something you’ve spent hours on and poured some of yourself in isn’t agreeable basically, so being told off like a kid, by people I never heard of, about how I should be conscious that I’m doing something “forbidden”… Man, this frustrates me so much.

These persons assume I have no clue what I’m doing and why, and if it wasn’t enough already, they visibly think they represent some kind of good morals squad which should keep on remembering you that you’re doing something oh so wrong. Funnily enough, some of them were actual Yaoi fans. The hypocrisy is strong.

 

So all in all, it’s still the same. I have no answer. Is porn possibly classifiable as Art ? Is the censorship normal ? Or rather, is it normal that an Art site forbids a kind of expression form to the point that they don’t even allow it to appear as censored, still ? Personally, I think they should allow it as long as it’s pixelated and/or cropped, at least. If you ask me, they should just basically allow it with a ‘pornographic content’ filter of some sort, but then comes another problem that, as a French citizen, I don’t have. Pornography is perfectly legal here, while it’s not the case in many states in the US. That’s why their policy works as such, but for a worldwide community, it’s tricky.

Like most questions I ask myself and treat on this little blog, this isn’t going anywhere in particular. I just need to get things off my chest and I do so. I do regret it later at times, but oh well.

 

I’ve uploaded this series of Demon x Demon Yaoi this week, and they’re quite the graphic kind. Here are the censored versions :

 


Obedience [1] by Semichan-Kokonut on DeviantArt

 


Obedience [2] by Semichan-Kokonut

 


Obedience [3] by Semichan-Kokonut

As for the uncensored ones, you guys can find them on this Tumblr :

 

 

~Semichan

Tag(s) : #Rants :D, #Lgbt, #Things I just want to talk about, #Art, #Sex

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