As far as I can remember, I’ve always had nightmares. Pretty terrible ones. Most of them either surrealist, or, on the contrary, ultra-realistic. My best friend always did, too. However, hers seem even more terrible, they’re always very graphic. The thing is, we’re both having frequent, ghastly nightmares. We’re both 26.
She studied psychology. I didn’t know, but she once told me that, in fact, adults don’t have nightmares. They had been studying that, and it’s actually a mental disorder. Of course, it’s a normal thing to have any whenever you go through a traumatic experience, but when it comes to the other kind of nightmares, grown-ups usually don’t have them.
I truly didn’t know; for the obvious reason that I’ve always had them and as she did too, I never considered it abnormal; and ever since she told me that, I look at my own nightmares differently.
I’ve always been an anxious person, I’ve always been stressful, and I’m basically a shy, sensitive introvert. From what I could read, this could already explain part of why I’m having nightmares as an adult. I stumbled upon this, a while back :
Most of the time, I manage to cope with my nightmares, but for some reasons, I wasn’t so good at taming my fears lately.
I had thought about doing it for a while, but eventually, I grabbed a pen and started sketching these things I met in my sleep.
— Let’s start with that dream I recently had, which featured a guy with a bag on his head.
It was in my apartment, the front door was wide open, and he was standing there in my living room, at my desk. He looked alive, he was sitting up straight and neither his legs nor arms/hands were loose. Only his hands were attached (w/ duct tape.). The overall atmosphere was truly weird and eerie, it was super bright, but everything was silent and still, in a really non-usual way. It felt like everything was either dead or had been paused, I could hear no birds, no wind, nothing. There were some thin particles in the air (although the windows were closed), making it look even more peculiar.
The sight of the wide open front door was terribly scary to me, this was also happening in a dream wherein I was just waking up and coming out of my bedroom. I know I didn’t want to go to the living, yet, I nearly rushed to it and then I saw this guy. I went to him (the open laptop was bugging me, too), and woke up right when I was standing behind him. I could never see what was on the computer screen.
I have been having this dream nearly 2 weeks ago now, but it’s been on my mind ever since. I can’t seem to find an explanation to it, and it was to clear and detailed for me to ignore it.
—This one is a mix of nightmares and recurrent fears of mine (which happen to be pretty strong lately.)
#1 (left) is a silhouette I saw in a dream, which was standing in the window corner of my bedroom (which my bed is right next to), I was sleeping. I could see him watching myself sleep. Although I can’t see his face, it’s clearly a man, a real tall one with a pretty large figure, and long hair.
#3 & #4 are his mouth and one of his eyes. I never saw his face as a whole, but had several flashes including close-ups on his eyes and mouth. He has no pupils, and he’s always smiling. He doesn’t attack me, he just stands there, however, he doesn’t feel safe one bit.
This one dream is older (A few months back—late July ‘15 probably) but it was really clear as well, and at night I find myself fearing his sudden appearance, mostly when opening/closing a door or walking in a dark room (I expect him to be in a corner).
I guess he feels unsafe because he’s smiling, and looks like both Bughuul and the Long-Haired Fiend/The Ghoul from Sinister and Insidious. I’m actually a big Horror fan, and I’m consequently used to seeing characters of that kind, so I don’t think my nightmares reflect an actual fear of those. Because, as a matter of fact, neither of these two, here, ever scared me.
Frame #2 is an actual, irrational fear of mine I’ve had from my teenage years. It didn’t really happen again from the moment I moved to my own place, but somehow, it reappeared… I’m not sure when, how, nor why.
Basically, it only happens at night, and only when I come out of my bedroom. I have that stupid sensation that something is gonna crawl from the living room’s doorframe (I have no door there), most likely a hand… This surely goes back to my fear of Japanese Ghosts movies when I was young, as a lot of them do that. They crawl, and generally with really unsettling noises. However, in my moments of fear, I always picture them completely silent.
Honestly, silent ghosts are way scarier to me.
- Side note : Anyone seen Kairo/pulse ? See that scene with the lady walking in slow, strange motions (and in utter silence) to the guy who ends up hiding behind the couch ? This is one of the scariest scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie. It terrified me, truly, and I’ve seen it once adult. You can give me all the blood and gore you want, this just does nothing to me, but these kind of things are seriously f*cking with my mind. Kairo is such a great movie, anyway.
So yeah, nothing more for this one. I’m not even scared of what could happen next, I’m just scared I could basically just see it. I work like that anyway; I’m not scared something might attack me, I’m afraid to just witness their very existence. Yet, I can’t tell if I’m scared they would be demons, ghosts or whatever… I’m not a believer and I happen to be a real Cartesian. It seems that I have this one part of me though, which still can’t act so rational about such things. And it has been left unchanged for as long as I can recall.
I have been drawing these last Sunday, and was done by the evening. Surprisingly, the drawing therapy worked its magic. I went to bed much more serene, and had my first night of good sleep in about 3 weeks. Monday night was even better. I felt liberated at this point. And ever since, things went back to normal. I still can’t believe it worked so well, I wasn’t hoping for it. It was getting emotionally tiring to feel like I was going to stumble upon a guy tied up with a bag on his head nearly every morning.
I might just keep on doing that, from now on. If it does exorcise these kind of fears of mine, then it’s all good.