Another update in the same week ? Oh my, what's happening ?! *insert sarcasm*
Well, I've finally gathered some courage and uploaded my time-lapse drawing videos on my Youtube account. Sure nobody's waiting for me to do anything, sure there are chances I might get mean comments, just as sure as I might not get any actual views... Anyway I'm freaking out as if it had any kind of importance. Anxiety is a wonderful thing, like that. 👍😤
So ! Here are the 3 videos I have done so far, which have 2 of the same drawing and one that I've filmed from scratch.
The first one is the most recent, although it still was done back in early February (ahem), and also, I haven't drawn on white marker paper sheets for nearly as long... I fell in love with kraft paper in the mean time and I'm having a really stable relationship with it so far, as my Instagram feed shows. ✌
Honestly, and although it's going to be two years since the end of my Art-Block soon, I'm still feeling like I'm getting back on tracks with art in general. I feel like a kid all over again. While it has its pros and gives a real satisfying feeling when new goals are achieved and/or when you (re)discover things, it can also be highly frustrating as it's truly time consuming.
I keep changing favorite mediums and styles, and if it stays within a small range, it is still a problem to me (Especially since I'm the kind that usually likes clearly defined things and definite answers/choices. I'm not comfortable with uncertainty, but art is a whole lot made of that). Anyway, this doesn't keep me from going and I can finally say I think I've found a style that resembles what I want to do to some extent, even when I switch mediums. 😊 Drawing is one of the only things that makes me truly happy in life, so even if people tell me I just don't have the skills, I can't do anything but keep on.
Compared to the teenager I was, I can honestly say the current me works real hard on her drawings, so there's no way I should feel self-conscious about them. They're definitely flawed. I see all the asymmetry, all the anatomy horrors, the lack of variations in lights and shadows, the brush strokes that shouldn't appear, whatever... I see literally everything, which wasn't the case before either. Correcting bad habits and mistakes just because you've noticed them isn't as easy as it could seem though, and I keep shaking my head as I see the same problems popping up on my new pieces, but also, I sometimes realize some are slowly but surely disappearing, and this makes me the happiest person.
I don't think I'm actually a good artist. I don't think I'm a bad one either, though. I know I have progressed, and people have told me so a whole lot this past year, so this helped me believing in myself a bit more. As for now, I think I'm a decent artist, and I can only improve. ✌