You know that feeling ? That one feeling of extreme frustration and anger which fuels self-loathing and overall aggressiveness ?
I used to have that a lot, now, not so much. Today happened to be one of those days, however.
And I hate that it makes me such a shitty being to my very few loved ones. I admire my mother for being able to hide her feeling in front of me, always, (well, she controls them) for I cannot. I try my hardest to, but I cannot. I never managed, I probably never will. I don't like this part of myself and I probably never will.
I don't burst out in anger and cries, I keep things bottled up for most and when I can't handle them anymore, I lash it out on something, or someone. I know I work this way, and I absolutely hate it. The someone sometimes is my own self, and I would have preferred it this way today, but it wasn't the case. And I'm gonna feel remorseful for a while again, even if I quickly apologized.
I'll never get used to this.